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US Navy Prepares For Looming Pancake Shortage

2017 January 4
by Ahmed Thisup

Flat Pancakes Because of Upsidasium Shortage

US Navy Sailors Served Flat Pancakes Because Of Upsidasium Shortage

Jan 5 (CORONADO, CA) The captain and crew of the US Navy’s nuclear aircraft carrier USS Karl Vansoon stationed here at Naval Air Station North Island are preparing to deploy on a mission to fight global terrorism in the continuing War on Terror. Yet, this deployment will be like no other. Because of damage caused by the Brown Marmorated Speckled Fly, the fruit of the upsidasium tree, the source of the bubbles that cause pancakes to rise, is in short supply. “We’ve never had a situation like this where we’re ready to deploy on a critical mission and wonder how we’re going to feed the crew pancakes in the morning.” says the ships Captain, Capt Bat Guano, USN. “The chiefs in the ships galley are looking for alternatives to upsidasium, but so far it seems there is no substitute available.”

Unknown to civilian landlubbers, the crews of the US Navy aircraft carriers are fed breakfast everyday with standard fare of bacon, eggs, and a huge stack of freshly cooked pancakes with real maple syrup. “On our last deployment, it looked like there was going to be a maple syrup shortage, yet the ships supply department searched high and low, found some in a warehouse at Naval Station Guam, and just in time, was able to requisition enough for our entire deployment ” said Capt Guano. “But this time the folks in supply aren’t finding any extra supplies of upsidasium.”

This is because the Brown Marmorated Speckled Fly has been damaging the upsidiasium trees for a number of years. Over time supplies of upsidasium have been short but not like this year. Industry officials at the Upsidasim Foundation say that they thought they had the fly under control but a sudden attack has completely devastated this years harvest. Prices for the product have been rising for a number of years. While cost isn’t an issue when it comes to feeding hungry sailors, the Navy cannot find any upsidasium at any cost.

US Navy Aircraft Carrier Departing Sans Pancakes

US Navy Aircraft Carrier Departing Sans Pancakes

The ships chief cook Culinary Specialist MSCS Hanford C Fleabert announced to the crew last week that “We may have to feed the you folks Freedom Toast on this deployment because of a global shortage of upsidasium.” Crew members, speaking on the condition of anonymity stated that they’d rather have Crepes Suzette instead of the recently renamed French Toast.

Humor by All Forked Up.

President Obama Orders Return To Moon

2017 January 3
by Ahmed Thisup

USS Constellation On Moon

Picture of USS Constellation On Moon 1969

(Jan 3) WASHINGTON DC. Citing urgent National Security issues, the White House said today that President Barrack Obama has ordered the US Navy to return to the moon. While the exact reason for the return to the moon remains secret, there is reason to believe that this has something to do with the Russian Email Hacking of the last presidential race. When last on the moon in 1969 the US Navy had sent the aircraft carrier USS Constellation (CVA-64). It’s believed that there were interactions between the crew of the USS Constellation and Russian Cosmonauts that were stationed there at the time. Just exactly what might be of interest to those investigating the suspected cracking into the email accounts, by what the White House has called Rogue Russian Independent Actors, is a matter of conjecture.

In 1969, while the US and Russia (then the USSR – United Soviet Socialist Republic) where competing for the most landings on the moon, the United States was also working to create what has become known as the Internet. College graduate students working at the University of California Berkeley, working under a grant from the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), were designing ARPA-net, a computer network capable of transmitting information between computers using various paths in case one or more known paths stopped functioning. Sources say that during this time, the engineers included a node and microwave transmitters on the US Navy vessels trip to the moon. According to sources, much of the original equipment was destroyed; yet some of the “Moon Trash” left behind by the US Navy as part of the “Napollo” mission, might contain equipment of use to the investigation of the email cracking.

Humor by All Forked Up.

Super Pacs

2012 April 23

Colbert Super Pac Super Fun Pack

Colbert Super Pac Super Fun Pack

The Super Political Action Committee (PAC) situation is evolving. Certainly there will be a amazing scene this fall with TV and Radio ads yahoo crazy in their numbers.

My favorite Super Pac is Comedy Centrals Stephen Colbert’s Americans for A Better Tomorrow Tomorrow (ABTT). On March 31, the ABBT Super-Pac offered a Stephen Colbert’s Super Pac Super Fun Pack with many fun things in the kit. It includes:

  • A Treasure Map
  • A Secret Decoder Ring
  • A Door Sign for your Official Super Pac Meetings
  • An Allen Wrench
  • A “Trevor Can You Help Me” Button for non-legal Advice
  • A Turtles Don’t Like Peanut Butter T-Shirt
  • An FEC Form for forming a Super Pac
  • A Step-By-Step Manual of Non-Legal Advice on how to form your own Super Pac
  • A Can of DAK Ham
  • A set of decorative labels to decorate your ham as the immortal Ham Rove
  • A legal disclaimer, which all good Fun Packs have
Colbert Super Pac Ham Rove from Super Fun Pack

Colbert Super Pac Ham Rove - All of the brains of Carl Rove with 1/2 the sodium

Corporations are Ruling America

2012 April 15
by Ahmed Thisup

We’re not anti-corporation here at In fact, we ourselves are persons that are part of a corporation. But what seems All Forked Up is how our legislators are so addicted to heroin (i.e. money) that they need a fix all of the time. Believe it or not our elected officials need to raise 10,000 to $15,000 a day. To get that much money, they have to spend 1/4 of their work hours across the street from their office on Capital Hill. They use facilities set up by the party committees, stand elbow to elbow, and call donors for 2 hours straight, attempting to get them to give another donation.

The Congressman and Senators have to use the party supplied facilities, because it’s illegal for them to use their own office in Congress. So instead, they walk 100 feet across the street and use the cramped quarters provided to them by the RNC and DNC. Equipped with their list of large donors, they painstaking call their friends and other donors asking for more cash.

This is the trouble with the Super-PAC era we’re in. Instead of making things better for the politicians, this outside money in the election campaigns is tainting the individual campaigns further. This will probably result in our elected officials spending more time raising money so that they have a say in their own election.

Corrupt (Adjective)

2012 February 27
by Ahmed Thisup

In politics, to hold an office of trust or profit.

How Much It Costs to Bribe A US Congressman

2012 February 24
by Ahmed Thisup

In a frank interview with the host of NPR’s Fresh Air Show, which can be read here: James Bopp Comments on Fresh Air Feb 2012, James Bopp made a few bold statements.

This is the lawyer that pushed the Citizen’s United case to the Supreme Court, resulting in all of this secret money pouring into the political scene. I absolutely disagree with the Citizens United decision, yet James Bopp does a surprising middle of the road explanation of the reason for the decision and why it’s good for the American public.

But what I found most enlightening/startling were the comments on how the problem is that the $2,500 campaign donation limit to a politician is too low. The US Courts have always ruled that donations are not buying influence. Yet, Mr Bopp states this is the point of a political donation outright.

This is because it’s known it takes more to bribe a congressman. The known bribes are $99,000 for Congressman Jefferson of Louisiana and $120,000 for earmarks by Republican Congressman Duke Cunningham whom had a schedule of bribes in his desk.

Here is the quote:
you can’t even buy a Democratic congressman for $2,500. The anecdotal evidence is that it takes $99,000 in cold hard cash to buy a Democratic congressman. That was the amount Congressman Jefferson of New Orleans had in his freezer.

Republican congressmen seem to go at a higher rate. Duke Cunningham had a schedule of bribes in his desk. The lowest amount was $140,000 for him to earmark your weapons system.

Read the full text or listen to the podcast above. You’ll find the interview is balanced, no matter of your political view. If you find this is better than a Fox or MSNBC interview, then think about making a donation to National Public Radio:

Donate to NPR

The individual donation direct to a politician is capped at $2500.00 and as James Bopp says, will not buy you influence. You need to dig a lot deeper. If you ever gave $50.00 or $100.00 donation to a Congressman, did you expect to influence the politician? I have made these small donations and helped influence a race or two — not to buy personal influence of the politician — but in support of the general policies.

Freedom Of Speech in America, Eh?

2012 February 8

Everyone seems to love the 1st Amendment here in America, it gives one the right of free speech. Oddly though, the minute someone says something that they don’t agree with, they immediately attack the speaker. Where is the Freedom of Speech in that?

Clint Eastwood is the latest target because Clint is registered Republican and made a positive commercial for Chrysler Corporation that aired during the Feb 5 2012 Super Bowl. Who would attack a positive commercial. Bush’s Brain (Karl Rove) did.

Why? May I suggest because it was a positive spin on the economy and that’s the last thing the negative Republican party want while they’re trying to beat President Obama. In my opinion that’s the same reason for the 17 million Republican debates, they can attack President Obama over and over and over.

Now, there wasn’t anything in the commercial about President Obama and it’s paid free speech of Chrysler Corporation something the Republicans ought to stand behind. Yet, it’s not the message the Republic Party wants to send. So free speech is only okay these days if it fits one’s own political belief. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut. Seems All Forked Up to me.

Looking for a Job — Apply to Freddie Mac as a Historian

2012 January 24
by Ahmed Thisup

Newt Gingrich released information this week that he was paid $25,000 a month as a Historian. 🙂

Anyone with any connection to Historians, Librarians or any ‘-arians’ would know that would be the annual salary for someone in that field.

Since money isn’t cheap, what do you suppose that Freddie Mac executives were expecting to get by paying Mr Gingrich so much money? This was before the financial crisis of 2008 and Freddie Mac was sitting on a lot of cash … but to pay a ‘consultant’ $250,000 a year requires some sort of ‘deliverable’. What history is worth that much to a fortune 10 company? The history of influence and connections to the congress would be the most likely suspect.

Citizens United – Corporations are people.

2012 January 20
by Ahmed Thisup

Corporations are not people. For instance, corporations do not drink water. Nor do they sleep or eat potato chips.

Corporations do need to have some of the properties that people have. For instance, they need to be able own property, pay taxes, own copyrights, own trademarks and inventory.

But how this has become that corporations are citizens — that is that they can spend money in political campaigns is beyond me. Corporations have such vast wealth compared to the average US person that they can quickly overpower the voice of the common person. The money is speech argument is fine if it’s just you and I. But toss in someone with 1000’s of times of money and we’re not on equal footing.

My opinion is that corporations are people – that is that they can hold assets, be fined, own cars, trucks, etc, but they are not citizens. That is they cannot vote. So since they cannot vote, they should not be able to contribute money to election campaigns.

To fix this issue requires an amendment to the constitution … a major action … yet the Independant Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders has started this action. Checkout and sign the Corporations Are Not People and petition on Sen. Sanders website.

-or- if you like, you can tell the citizens of the world how you feel and buy a Corporations Are Not Citizens bumper sticker or car magnet for your car.

Corporations Are Not Citizens Bumper Sticker

Corporations Are Not Citizens Bumper Sticker

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