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US Navy Prepares For Looming Pancake Shortage

2017 January 4
by Ahmed Thisup

Flat Pancakes Because of Upsidasium Shortage

US Navy Sailors Served Flat Pancakes Because Of Upsidasium Shortage

Jan 5 (CORONADO, CA) The captain and crew of the US Navy’s nuclear aircraft carrier USS Karl Vansoon stationed here at Naval Air Station North Island are preparing to deploy on a mission to fight global terrorism in the continuing War on Terror. Yet, this deployment will be like no other. Because of damage caused by the Brown Marmorated Speckled Fly, the fruit of the upsidasium tree, the source of the bubbles that cause pancakes to rise, is in short supply. “We’ve never had a situation like this where we’re ready to deploy on a critical mission and wonder how we’re going to feed the crew pancakes in the morning.” says the ships Captain, Capt Bat Guano, USN. “The chiefs in the ships galley are looking for alternatives to upsidasium, but so far it seems there is no substitute available.”

Unknown to civilian landlubbers, the crews of the US Navy aircraft carriers are fed breakfast everyday with standard fare of bacon, eggs, and a huge stack of freshly cooked pancakes with real maple syrup. “On our last deployment, it looked like there was going to be a maple syrup shortage, yet the ships supply department searched high and low, found some in a warehouse at Naval Station Guam, and just in time, was able to requisition enough for our entire deployment ” said Capt Guano. “But this time the folks in supply aren’t finding any extra supplies of upsidasium.”

This is because the Brown Marmorated Speckled Fly has been damaging the upsidiasium trees for a number of years. Over time supplies of upsidasium have been short but not like this year. Industry officials at the Upsidasim Foundation say that they thought they had the fly under control but a sudden attack has completely devastated this years harvest. Prices for the product have been rising for a number of years. While cost isn’t an issue when it comes to feeding hungry sailors, the Navy cannot find any upsidasium at any cost.

US Navy Aircraft Carrier Departing Sans Pancakes

US Navy Aircraft Carrier Departing Sans Pancakes

The ships chief cook Culinary Specialist MSCS Hanford C Fleabert announced to the crew last week that “We may have to feed the you folks Freedom Toast on this deployment because of a global shortage of upsidasium.” Crew members, speaking on the condition of anonymity stated that they’d rather have Crepes Suzette instead of the recently renamed French Toast.

Humor by All Forked Up.

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